The ADHD Clinic
I've been on a journey (since I was a kid), at 30 I needed to know. See my previous post here if you're seeing this new post with fresh eyes.
It's the new year now! Happy 2026!
Don't mind me, I'm fresh off of quitting nicotine, having light rolling panic attacks and spiraling about still being chronically underemployed. That's not what this post is about though.
I got my diagnosis! Turns out, yes, I am extremely ADHD positive. In my final consultation with "The ADHD Clinic" (yes, it's that generic of a clinic name) the Psychiatrist basically put a mirror up in front of his screen and I saw a reflection of me as a textbook with a title that read "Textbook ADHD Signs & Symptoms".
No, actually, he was like "You are the definition of ADHD, get out of my Zoom call". Okay fine, it was actually a very long arduous process of me answering long-ass questions with astounding specificity and calculated Q&A's that turned out a positive diagnosis.
The largest part of the workload on my side took place in 10-15 empty pages of a poorly scanned PDF. I told my ADHD life story spanning junior kindergarten to college and everything in-between. It was indescribably exhausting and slightly re-traumatizing. It burnt me out for several weeks in the brain-using and writing departments, but I had to get it all out to make these appointments with the time and money I had already invested. Most of December felt like I was getting over an extended emotional hangover. With the holidays around the corner I was holding onto any remaining energy I could muster just to stay afloat mentally and physically. Thankfully having my partner around made things more than bearable. Some long and semi-peaceful night sessions of watching LOST, followed up with Minecraft worldbuilding have been keeping me at ease for the most part.
I made it through!
At the end of it all, to summarize the treatment - it's Vyvanse. I will be prescribed Vyvanse (Lisdexamfetamine).
Medical grade, slow release speed.
I was a little hesitant, still am. I need to talk with my primary care Physician before the trial dose is dispensed. That date is coming up soon along with some other "fun" things (other not pleasant medical tests). I asked for the smallest starting dose - 10mg. Adults my age and weight usually start with 30mg. The side effects of increased pulse, irritability and decreased emotional regulation worry me. I don't have a thyroid anymore (thanks cancer), so I already have trouble with those things.
The number one thing I hope the Vyvanse helps with is my brainfog and extreme amounts of overwhelm from all the brain "chatter" I usually experience in times of stress. If it helps with that, it might be a keeper. Maybe not an everyday thing, but a plan B or C on the worse days I experience.
This new development makes me hopeful, but I know it's not a "cure all" and I still have a lot of other medical stuff going on that can make it hard to concentrate or get tasks done.
I'm hoping this makes my educational journey a bit easier too. Like with most things, I pick it up quickly but the follow-through to execution or total completion can be extremely difficult if I don't have a large enough pushing factor (pay, emotional toll, general instant gratification). I keep pushing, as always.
That Psych was pretty impressed I made it to 30 without a diagnosis, but I don't think I could have ever done it if I didn't have help. From my family, my partner and my friends. I don't know where I would be right now without that help. I probably wouldn't be.
Long COVID radicalized me. Cancer radicalized me. This ADHD diagnosis has furthered that trend.
Many people out there aren't playing with a full deck. Disabilities suck, but you know what I think sucks more? People that don't acknowledge them.
Stay safe out there. If you think something is up, look into it. Don't wait for someone one day to validate what you feel deep inside. Be your own advocate, help others, help yourself and get a second opinion.
Get to know your body and mind. Everything else should fall in line. Keep living in spite of it all, fuck'em.
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